it is september...

I fear my summer is almost at an end. well, at least i hope it is!
there's a lot up in the air this september, and i hope whatever lands lands in favor of being employeed once again and gaining a new skill by January. I suspect that my last blog didn't make much sense, nor should it if it's the one I'm thinking. i had a slightly elevated mood which lasted about 2 weeks and out of my head came slightly exagerated ideas which i can chalk up to a prexisting condition.
i feel slightly more sane now.
to tell true, i just got off the phone with ex boyfriend mike b.
i'm seriously tempted to see if we can create a friendship from the ashes of our past attempts since the break up in June.
this can be detrimental in many senses.
for one thing, i can never tell with him if we are going to have a good day or one that ends in me feeling like crap. sometimes we'll start off with a good day and end it with me pissed cause he was being an absolute asshole.
do i have the time and energy to even bother being friends with him?
i hope not, and yet i still like him enough to hope that he won't always make me feel like i'm not worth much because i'm fat or i miss running one time. just writting this makes me feel like even though i thought him attractive once, that's not always enough to justify him making me feel like shit.