Saturday, October 1, 2011

no blog since APRIL!?!??!

the times they were a changing.

2011, Octobre, premier.

i have a slight curiosity as i gaze into the bleak grey day. so far, well, there in lies the tale.

if i do total recall to what's happened in 6ish months, i would be amazed by higher power's protection and grace, and a lil ashamed that i was so foolish to lapse into desperate hope for acceptance from toxic people.

if you know me, i hope blessings emerged from my mouth and not curses.
i pray that you saw my smile and knew it was genuine.


bibles outline this as the greatest commandment. LOVE the LORD your god. Love your neighbor as yourself.

my whole life i think the main struggle i've had was "how can i love my neighbor if i don't love myself?"

back to the toxic users. it is clear they don't love themselves, but instead of seeking answers, they tend to try to fill their voids with adultery, things, money, and using people.

i think my problem was different. i was so desperate to find how to love and forgive myself, i gave.

isn't that what christianity preaches? "god loves a cheerful giver, give him all you got!"

so it makes sense if i give in the name of the LORD til i have nothing, as long as i do it cheerfully, and can battle against nasty depression and worthless feelings, i 'm "perfect"?


what a nasty word at times. i might be "fucking perfect" to pink or if i read Paul, the old is gone new has come, therefore be perfect and blameless. there is still the wrestling with love.

i think i shared some of my brushes with charismatic prophetic crowds. and the prophecy over me and the love and prayers of brethren have mended some of the belief that love is unattainable when i'm not god. we as christians have all fallen. we are called not to judge but to be friends and uplift those who are repentent and broken.

if i haven't really shared the prophecies, they have all been positive.
one was that i'm a "prophetess", sharing boldly the word of the lord, the other is more of a daily practice of loving those who have also been broken hearted, and praying to abba for their healing.
it brings me joy to have purpose.
and as far as i know some prophetic/dream interperting teams will be setting up "camp" weekends on essex st in salem.
healers coming as far away a the UK and prophetic/dreamers from all around as far as i know will be available for words of encouragement and life.

Ok i didn't cover the last 6 months, but i learned. and i'm hanging with good girlfriends and guy friends. and if you catch yourself judging or beating yourself up, remember , LOVE cast out fear, and covers a multitude of sins.

be blessed.