Tuesday, March 27, 2007


well this might become a multi part blog about the misrepresentation and some accurate potrayls of my disorder.
first off, i have a disability.
it's called Bipolar Dissorder.
it is a medical condition which cycles me through depressed states and elated states called manias.

when i'm depressed i tend not to take care of myself, i sleep a lot, eat a lot, and don't feel like doing anything good. all i can dwell on is what a wretched, selfish person i feel like and i want to die. in 2001 i had my first major suicide attempt.
the good side of this is i have been on medication and it has stopped the depression, through therapy i have learned to not give in to any thoughts of self harm and to redirect my thoughts and actions to something i like and something that's not a lie.

when i'm 'manic' i will talk and not be able to pick up on social cues. i will have unlimited enegry and get distracted easily. i will not be able to sleep. sometimes i will be up all night doing things that really don't need to be done, organizing things, typing to strange men on IM, sometimes trying to sleep.

likewise, medications treat this, tho some of them need blood levels and have bad side effects, like acne and over long term use, muscle twitches and arthritis.

so why am i up in arms about the potrayal of someone who coasts inbetween highs and lows?

well i don't like in CSI the fact that one episode was a bipolar teenage woman who smashes her neighboors mailboxes and gets killed by her father to solve the problem of what to do with her. yea i know certain folks who don't want to treat their illness cause pills suck esspecially if you need them for the rest of your life.

the other CSI i'm objectable to is the one where the teacher has a crush on the student and does a suicide/photo/slide projection of her and the dead student. i know there have been cases where a bipolar teacher falls in love w/ a teenager. but that's not always the case with us.

there have been many creative geniuses, Virginia Woolfe, Schumann, and Byron to name a few.

i'll discuss this topic further in future blogs, and maybe delv into the spirtual responses i've had to my illness.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Spring Snow!

i have mixed feelings of joy and frustration with the announcement of snow tonight.
i love snow. winter is more fun with the tossing of a few snowballs, and since we had flowers
blooming in January i think it's almost a twisted

"well you didn't get winter then, so i'll give it to you
when your croques poke up their heads."-love from Canada and the rest of the country

i'm glad today was otherwise beautiful...i just hope things don't flood when the warm weather returns.

went to CBD warehouse sale. that 's a crazy place to be.

Friday, March 23, 2007

WOOHOO! Concerts at the Vault!

tonight there was a Tom Conlin concert, but i was at work, partying down with the ATW crew, a belated St. Patricks day event:). i even got to fiddle a bit for the crowd, it was much appreciated. and the games and dancing and corned beef and cabbage was a hit.


back to the point. this Sunday at 6 at the Vault there 's a fundraiser for the Vault which will feature some wonderfully talented musician which include Elijah Wyman, Carl Nysdat, grateful ted, and more! also it is called the phil wyman thing, tho i prefer "Holy Ail"

Mae e yn lawn!(he's alright!)

Pwy ydyn nhw!

rock on in the Salem (peace) town!

Monday, March 19, 2007

has spring attacked yet?

this entry is in honor of my friends with allergys. this includes my sister.
spring can not only be beautiful and temperture wise a great improvement...but when
one turns to their wheezy, watery eyed friend, the light dawns and one realizes,
"hey, maybe not everyone has the same yearning to get muddy and enjoy the peeping out of
various plants..."
now i might excuse the muddy part on folks not relishing the squishyness an "sucction" that i find
facinating cause ...well it's cool.
but it is scary to hear someone who can't seem to get their allergys in check. Of course there is Claritin, and
other antihistimines, but some people complain of side affects?

of course, side affects (not including allergic reactions) are not something i consider to be a deterent...cause if i was
with a nose full or wheezing i would hope my friend would have sense enough to get me to a cvs or dr's to
counteract the unwanted reaction.

in closing...here's to those who struggle against the elements and aren't available for the next muddy expedition!

i raise my eye drops in sault!

Monday, March 12, 2007

well i wanted to show off my latest edition to my body...the picture doesn't do it justice.
it took about 2 hours to do. and it,well some parts of it, really hurt!!
but the artist really knows his stuff and payed attentions to detail. the sketch came from
a necklace i own. the snake was a bit altered but for the better for the tatoo's sake.

love you all! or at least am still trippinly happy over my body art.


Wednesday, March 7, 2007

hoffi coffi?

da yam!

anyways i'm up early this morning cause...well...cause i can!

the Lord has shown me a lot lately concerning music.

my viola has been praising him and when i don't worship through that i sing or pray a loud.

i even wrote a song i may post here sometime.

it has to do with God being Abba Father.

SImple, sweet and knee deep.

Peace for now!


Sunday, March 4, 2007

after watching , "the exorcism of Emily Rose" i get nervous waking at 3 in the morning for no reason.
but after a quick prayer and a run through of Jeniffer Knapp's "Faithful to Me" or "Marytrs and Theives"
i am brought back to a trusting of Jesus state.

God bless and keep all who read this blog!


Saturday, March 3, 2007


deeeeppppp thooooouuuughts:

are the eyes the windows to your soul or the decievers of the mind?

if m and m's were called d and d's would they be as popular?

say there's a man walking on a sea wall at high tide, would he avoid the waves or revel in them?

hmmmm lots to ponder...

Guiness makes me Human

welll.... confession time.
i love to go out on Friday nights. but i'm spontaneous. i want to find a friend and impulsively have an adventure.
so last night, after visiting the Wymans and Josh Rivera, i jumped on the blue line at Wonderland and went to Fanuiel Hall's
Jose Mcyntires. it's the best tex-mex irish bar(bah) in Boston.
it's amazing how you just fall into the most comfortable conversations with political folks who enjoy a pint.
i met an engaged couple who met in Alaska, the connection they made was over Boston Red Sox.
Also met a couple of 30 somethings who had opinions on Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, and more importantly , the next republican canidate. we came to the conclusion the best team would be Mc Cain/Romney.

i'm so happy when in a stubborn democratic state i can find folks with brains enough to discuss civily things debatable rather than being labled and ostracized.


"God made you special and He loves you very much" -VeggieTales

Friday, March 2, 2007

HI! Salut! Kamatchua! Hola!....

Bienvenue and Welcome!
i don't guarentee that all thoughts posted will be educational or make any sense.
but sometimes the things i write take a little more thought than a first glance.
take my love of world languages.
sometimes i interrupt it as a calling to join my mother in teaching ESL.
but mostly i let it play into my love for travel and missions.
i've been on missions in middle school and high school with Grace Community Church, back when it was
First Baptist of Marblehead.
that's where i discovered my love for the international folks.
FOCUS is a ministry to international students and anyone who wants to learn english.
it's an amazing experience to be exposed to cultures from the middle to the far east.
I taught ESL for a year after coordinating the FOCUS nursery. (WHOLE 'nother blogpage).
I had the most determined students. there was a woman from Morocco, a man from Brazil, and the most
memorable being Cheng San, a mentally challenged man from China who's life revolved around the FOCUS programs and
classes. He was so dilligent that he would record all the lessons i gave on his tape recorder, also he did his homework and classwork with the help of a Brazillian Christian named Abraham.

Christ taught me a lot through enlish classes, patients, understanding, persaverence- but the most important thing i took out of it was the agape, unconditional, Love for your neighboor. no matter who they are