misrepresented

well this might become a multi part blog about the misrepresentation and some accurate potrayls of my disorder.
first off, i have a disability.
it's called Bipolar Dissorder.
it is a medical condition which cycles me through depressed states and elated states called manias.

when i'm depressed i tend not to take care of myself, i sleep a lot, eat a lot, and don't feel like doing anything good. all i can dwell on is what a wretched, selfish person i feel like and i want to die. in 2001 i had my first major suicide attempt.
the good side of this is i have been on medication and it has stopped the depression, through therapy i have learned to not give in to any thoughts of self harm and to redirect my thoughts and actions to something i like and something that's not a lie.

when i'm 'manic' i will talk and not be able to pick up on social cues. i will have unlimited enegry and get distracted easily. i will not be able to sleep. sometimes i will be up all night doing things that really don't need to be done, organizing things, typing to strange men on IM, sometimes trying to sleep.

likewise, medications treat this, tho some of them need blood levels and have bad side effects, like acne and over long term use, muscle twitches and arthritis.

so why am i up in arms about the potrayal of someone who coasts inbetween highs and lows?

well i don't like in CSI the fact that one episode was a bipolar teenage woman who smashes her neighboors mailboxes and gets killed by her father to solve the problem of what to do with her. yea i know certain folks who don't want to treat their illness cause pills suck esspecially if you need them for the rest of your life.

the other CSI i'm objectable to is the one where the teacher has a crush on the student and does a suicide/photo/slide projection of her and the dead student. i know there have been cases where a bipolar teacher falls in love w/ a teenager. but that's not always the case with us.

there have been many creative geniuses, Virginia Woolfe, Schumann, and Byron to name a few.

i'll discuss this topic further in future blogs, and maybe delv into the spirtual responses i've had to my illness.