Tuesday, May 8, 2007

relief/bittersweet g'd bye

so. today was my final day at a job i didn't quite fit.
it involved working with a population i easily befriended but struggled with being
an authority figure. so i planned activities, attempted leadership, helped in some capacities, but failed in others.

i will miss the teens i worked with, and the adults were memorable, but when my gifts lie elsewhere it's time to do what i know.

i know how to help the elderly.

i know how to baby sit.

i know how to serve.

with a lot of this figuring out what my gifts are and job sorting- it causes reflection on "why did God put me here?" or "what is my purpose?"

continued practice at telling myself i'm not a faliure, encouraging others comes after first confirming that i'm not any less than the ones i serve, and continuing my playful smirk or out right smile will help.

i thank God everyday for the friends i have, i continually have the desire to grow and be more aware of subtle hints.

Loving God and my neighboor aren't necessarily a problem, being aware of my worth and desire for purpose in fitting with my gifts will be on my personal Jesus chats for a bit.

maybe this is an oppertunity to earn money for going back to school--eeeck---i'm not much of a student.

maybe this is a chance to focus on raising money for Wales...that would be a great thing! maybe i could work on the language thing too...that actually sounds fun to me.

so i'll leave off on the note that it is a bit strange for me to have had to give a up a job(again) and focus on more of what i know. but it makes sense that knowing that God has given me certain gifts as he has with all his creation, knowing limits and exceling in gifts given will be ...a good task. it always makes me wary of books like "Prayer of Jabez", asking God for more is ...scary, but doing what God has placed in front of me sounds like a good enough challenge for me.


carl said...

I'm sorry that job didn't work out for you :(

IZenBet said...

s'alright carl, God may be just getting ready to open some other doors :->