When i say "I surrender who i am"
i just want to scram
from the horror of my sins and yet
i can't cash in
All the futility and morose grieving
doesn't bring me to Eden
It scratches scales and leaves me bleeding
from unquenchable tears of frustration
In the hopeful proclamation,
that "life is good" for the takin
Joy and strength breakforth
and silence the anxiety with in
For better, for worse, in pain and shame
contrast the light that blinds and scratches
the slime of shame
from tridents touch to suckers punch and back
to Saving Grace
ecs
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
oblivious and plesantly distracted
Ok, i have no idea when the last time i wrote was, i hope it to be in the past 3 months.
i have just read an update to a blog written by gentry13, which got me thinking of how little i tend to pay attention to those i love.the people that get my attention are not always the ones who need it, or even want it. i sometimes imagine my bff Joyce breathing a sigh of relief when i don't call her 2 or 3 times a day and let her focus on work,and her other friends going through a lot more than me at the moment. lately i have been able to bond with the "royalty" in my own apt. complex. it was their compassionate ears that comforted me when on a rainy tuesday afternoon the bus coming out of Danver's square heading towards Salem depot flew by me even though i stood clearly at the bus stop. thankfully i have a dad who drove all the way from Marblehead to get me to Salem so i didn't have to wait in the rain or the Mc donalds for the 330 bus.
backtracking just a bit to MLK day, one which i had the day off from being lunch lady, i enjoyed sometime with Renee and George and Joyce at Jordans furniture. being uplifted from that, later in the evening i had a new friend named laura come over and we practiced some bluegrass/gospel songs, unfortunately my fiddle was locked in the Vault, so i recounted some basic guitar chords and tried playing a couple tunes while laura rocked the mando and sang. the funny thing about the book we were playing from and the tunes she picked out was that i recognized them from O brother where art thou? if you want to hear me and laura rock them out with a bunch of other jamming bluegrass enthusiasts, we will be at Gulu gulu cafe on the second saturday of february and every month hence, from 2pm-5pm.
so life is going aight.
but what i read on gentry's blog made me wonder, "with all this fun i'm having with friends and neighbors, am i neglecting to pay attention to church family?"
i have just read an update to a blog written by gentry13, which got me thinking of how little i tend to pay attention to those i love.the people that get my attention are not always the ones who need it, or even want it. i sometimes imagine my bff Joyce breathing a sigh of relief when i don't call her 2 or 3 times a day and let her focus on work,and her other friends going through a lot more than me at the moment. lately i have been able to bond with the "royalty" in my own apt. complex. it was their compassionate ears that comforted me when on a rainy tuesday afternoon the bus coming out of Danver's square heading towards Salem depot flew by me even though i stood clearly at the bus stop. thankfully i have a dad who drove all the way from Marblehead to get me to Salem so i didn't have to wait in the rain or the Mc donalds for the 330 bus.
backtracking just a bit to MLK day, one which i had the day off from being lunch lady, i enjoyed sometime with Renee and George and Joyce at Jordans furniture. being uplifted from that, later in the evening i had a new friend named laura come over and we practiced some bluegrass/gospel songs, unfortunately my fiddle was locked in the Vault, so i recounted some basic guitar chords and tried playing a couple tunes while laura rocked the mando and sang. the funny thing about the book we were playing from and the tunes she picked out was that i recognized them from O brother where art thou? if you want to hear me and laura rock them out with a bunch of other jamming bluegrass enthusiasts, we will be at Gulu gulu cafe on the second saturday of february and every month hence, from 2pm-5pm.
so life is going aight.
but what i read on gentry's blog made me wonder, "with all this fun i'm having with friends and neighbors, am i neglecting to pay attention to church family?"
Monday, October 18, 2010
October
I don't believe i've made the time to blog about what has become one of my most favorite months and why i believe i have been called to Salem.
i also don't know how much of my testimony will be woven through the gentle taptap of my keyboard, nor do i claim to make much sense at the moment. For i am weary, but my bed time isn't til 10pm. if i was a logical thinker i might've breezed through my past blogs to save myself repeating myself.
Enough stalling! OCTOBER.
5 or 6 years ago when i lost faith in foursquare in lynn, i stumbled into a cave like corner of a frequented mall. In the cave room for a 6pm service i came across an evening service with the other liz(whom is now in KY). what drew me close was not only a welcoming to a Gathering that had been there since i graduated high school, but a genuine, comprehensible,loving group of believers that were including, real, and work-with-able. i might have alluded to Diane, Phil, Jeff, & Bev in previous posts but in this post they get another nod for those founding pioneers from California have actually helped me grow, mature, and be encouraged by patients, prayer & petition. the family-like acceptance and joy and i dare say healing that exudes from the Vault has made me feel -speechless.
this october i will be joining the ranks of the Gathering again and ministering to the masses @ halloween. there is a peace and expectation upon this season. and i'd love to brag about the sucessful ministry that has grown out of a maybe 10 member gathering to one that includes about 50+! God is love, let us love one another.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Gathering Service 8/15/10
Here i am again.
At the Vault @ 217 Essex St, Salem.
Jeff Gentry is sharing his love for Jesus and encouraging us to take delight daily in God's deliverance, mercy and redemption of us through Crist.
"the Lord has made us righteous...and is giving us the desire to persevere to the end!"
The Lord lights our lamp, he lights our darkness
the Lord's kindness,gentleness ...has made us great.
the Lord's gentleness has made us great!
the Lord is our hope.
Psalm 18 reflection, Jeff Gentry.
David calls out in distress whilst Saul is trying to kill him.
God shows up.
psalm written before sin?
no, he wrote it after sins, after absslom.
prayer & hope for righteoussness, not wickedly depart, compared with saul, not neglected god...
I shared my 2 psalms 23 &119
mary shared psalm 42 "I cry aloud to the Lord..."
the Lord is our refuge!
mary had no one before heading off to college. not a drunkard any longer and former beater of christian teens.
righteous community experience.
stef shared psalm 139
why did you knit me that way?
no children...
rebeling against God. Christian in college, higher purpose.
not escaping presence of the Lord whilst wrestling.
Glen shared Psalm1
directions for life
Joann Psalm 103
going through blood problems...prayer, God healed her and sustained her.
The psalms are prayer for God.
Corprate prayer.
Amen
PAIX!
At the Vault @ 217 Essex St, Salem.
Jeff Gentry is sharing his love for Jesus and encouraging us to take delight daily in God's deliverance, mercy and redemption of us through Crist.
"the Lord has made us righteous...and is giving us the desire to persevere to the end!"
The Lord lights our lamp, he lights our darkness
the Lord's kindness,gentleness ...has made us great.
the Lord's gentleness has made us great!
the Lord is our hope.
Psalm 18 reflection, Jeff Gentry.
David calls out in distress whilst Saul is trying to kill him.
God shows up.
psalm written before sin?
no, he wrote it after sins, after absslom.
prayer & hope for righteoussness, not wickedly depart, compared with saul, not neglected god...
I shared my 2 psalms 23 &119
mary shared psalm 42 "I cry aloud to the Lord..."
the Lord is our refuge!
mary had no one before heading off to college. not a drunkard any longer and former beater of christian teens.
righteous community experience.
stef shared psalm 139
why did you knit me that way?
no children...
rebeling against God. Christian in college, higher purpose.
not escaping presence of the Lord whilst wrestling.
Glen shared Psalm1
directions for life
Joann Psalm 103
going through blood problems...prayer, God healed her and sustained her.
The psalms are prayer for God.
Corprate prayer.
Amen
PAIX!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
back in the blogosphere...
it was a dark, manic type of night for our heroine.
after stablizing in a unit for 4 nights home seemed to be an alternate universe to the visions/anger/ unceasing energy that coursed through her nerons.
but as hearld by a popular t shirt company, life is good.
She settled in with Fnx music and a bible verse scan, reorganized her filing system, and drifted to sleep about 10pm.
AWAke @ midnight. Rain pulsed down upon the sidewalks of Salem and she could only feel joy towards night rain because her guerilla gardening was being quenched.
Earlier that monday she had discussed tending a Vault greenhouse with Monk Geoff.
The gathering does need to profit from its skills. As declared in prayer, this is the years of Harvest!
Please pray that my mind remains focused as i drive toward RI & cape in search of being accepted into a Certified Peer Specialist course.
any more info on anything in this blog refer to transformation center, The gathering, and Jesus!
be blessed,
PAIX ><>
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
make new friends, but keep the old!
Make new friends
But keep the OLD
One is Silver but the others Gold
Soulfest
if your the praying type, lift up the broken hearts that will be healed this weekend.
I sit here in the Vault experiencing serene, spirtually charged music with a Iesu CRIST agape in every off beat.
Elijah is a mirical in the making.
He is completely consumed in a Holy fire which dances upon guitar strings and anoits mando & banjo.
Vla has often expressed interest in forming an alliance with such band due to the kidney incident.
tThat? o, you'll have to ask the eli wyman personally, he'll be @ Soulfest
SO will i in that matter. August 4-8 in Gilford NH. Gunstock mtn will have an annoiting.
Be Blessed.
PAIX
Monday, August 2, 2010
I like MacDo's wifi better than bar flies....
So this morning i was up again for the 5th night in a row @ 3 am.
i took a walk and used the wifi @ the Vault. then i took a drive to the ocean and enjoyed a gentle sprinkling of rain.
i remembered my GF Becky L. Matthais saying i was welcome anytime to her place in Danvers and i drove over. i txt her to let her know i was there, but Frank is in hospice state and her mom is working through her denial stage. Becky is strong, healthy, compassionate, and a loving mother of Dylan,an active elementary schooler who lives for wrestling. He is strong willed like his mother and both of them are great examples of hospitable friends.
At Becky's i took liberty of using her pool for a pre breakfast relaxing swim, and i worked on a slideshow thing with my macbook.
finally @ 630 am i drove to the Mac donalds on High Street, Danvers.
i'm serene and enjoing my bacon egg & cheese mcgriddle and an unsweetend ice tea with lemon.
it even came with a coupon for a FREE smoothie or frappe! that's worth spending my dollar on ;-)
PAIX& ADONAI
i took a walk and used the wifi @ the Vault. then i took a drive to the ocean and enjoyed a gentle sprinkling of rain.
i remembered my GF Becky L. Matthais saying i was welcome anytime to her place in Danvers and i drove over. i txt her to let her know i was there, but Frank is in hospice state and her mom is working through her denial stage. Becky is strong, healthy, compassionate, and a loving mother of Dylan,an active elementary schooler who lives for wrestling. He is strong willed like his mother and both of them are great examples of hospitable friends.
At Becky's i took liberty of using her pool for a pre breakfast relaxing swim, and i worked on a slideshow thing with my macbook.
finally @ 630 am i drove to the Mac donalds on High Street, Danvers.
i'm serene and enjoing my bacon egg & cheese mcgriddle and an unsweetend ice tea with lemon.
it even came with a coupon for a FREE smoothie or frappe! that's worth spending my dollar on ;-)
PAIX& ADONAI
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