anger

i admit it, i'm an angry person at times.
i've had a lot of stress, 3 back to back sketchy dreams, and i'm dealing with family dynamics i'm not cool with.
i know i'm supposed to be cool with having my whole family around an happy that the 2 biggest stressors are back from a trip, i love them muchly and don't want to dissappoint, but when it's assumed that i'm going to do something i'm not or just don't want to be bothered i need an escape route. and running out the door screaming isn't the right one!
verbally, i'm swift. but i think too often i'm more blunt than gentle. and i get fed up with the way we don't listen to one another and i get defensive, the yelling way we communicate is getting upseting.

maybe i need a retreat area of the house where i'm off limits...hide in the basement or curl up in my room, drown out the business of a family that doesn't grasp the idea that i need a silence in the late afternoon, that i don't need them to tell me what to do, that i belong outside the house than with a family that's too stressful.
now don't get me wrong, they're loving, patient, kind but it is healthy for adult children to live outside the house. NOT that there won't be new stressors, but there will be a healthy seperation and more of a respectful relationship between a room mate as oppose a family one has out grown.

that's more of a vent than an actual conversing blog and i relize this.

just has been on the mind at the moment and don't want to deal with the reality that i have to share space with people who don't get me...or do they?